Wednesday, July 21, 2010

God. be my strength and my portion.

This has been my thing lately, that God is teaching me.

I am a crazy, fly off the handle, lunatic, mother...when my focus isn't right.
I try so hard to be the mom that I want to/should be. I am pretty good, until I loose it. Then I'm not and I end up apologizing to my daughters for my bad attitude and saying unkind things.

All I know is that I NEED HIM.

Pause. Take a deep breath and "You are my strength and my portion. please give me patience." and repeat...always repeat!

just an update

Ahhh. I have so many things I want to remember: hiccup, praying, witty, parrot, shy...
sorry. I was forgetting them as I wrote them, so now I can go into detail...

My sweet sweet Tallulah Jane, may the Good Lord bless her little soul. She is such a doll. First off, The Hiccups:
I had them the other day. I asked her "Tallulah, can you come here and give me a kiss to help the hiccups to go away?" So she hussles her sweet buns over to me and sticks her hand in front of my mouth, I hiccup, she 'grabs' it, hussles over to the kitchen opens the cabinet under the sink, and throws 'it' in the trash, then comes hussling over and says "It's okay, it all gone. ?" ??? OOHHH, she helped it go away. "No" I said, "I need a kiss to help them" (she does the trash thing one more time and still they didn't go away) and she comes back and I say "A KISS." She giggles and says "OH, he hee." and kisses me. sounds dumb now that I wrote it, but one day I will come back to it and it will be so profound of WHO she is and how she sees things ;)

Tallulah is now sleeping in her big-girl-bed and Sophia in the crib, and they are sharing the room! Such "big girls". I put them to bed at the same time now and as always, I read a book, then tuck Tallulah in, and then say prayers, the end. At naptime, we might read a book, then I tuck her in and usually thats it, but now she says to me before I leave the room, (so as to post-pone her nap), "mama, say prayers" ME: what do you want me to pray for? T: me...and fia. ME: and what should I pray about for you two? T: peace. She thinks she is pulling one over on me, but little does she know. Either way, I won't NOT pray for her and "Fia", even if she IS trying to buy time. I will take advantage of every-single-seed-planting-opportunity, well, because I love her and that soul of hers.

This 2 1/2 year old is a sponge. So freakin witty. So silly. She was playing in her pool and called me over to look at a bug and when I got close she splashes me (I put splashes instead of splashed because it happened more than once). I was telling Logan something Erin was describing to me about Judah, and well, good thing I wasn't talking bad about someone, because she UNDERSTOOD and repeated everything I said!
Note to self: better watch out!

and now my sweet sweet Sophia Louise. Oh how I love her buns. She is so sticken cute. and well, looks just like me ;)
I think she is such a doll, and now when you get her to laugh by tickling her or giving her "bunny kisses" she gives a hardy chuckle then puts her head down, like she is hiding? being bashful? like it is so funny, she has to take a moment and collect herself? I don't know but she is doing something that makes you want to kiss her all the more...I can't wait to see what it ends up progressing to be!

She has such a darling, full faced, smile. A cute, raspy laugh. And well, cheeks that won't quite, both kinds. I didn't know how much love I could have for TWO girls, but it keeps growing.

and my dear husband...
I do love him. I have been his wife for over eight years. I am JUST know learning what it is to be be his wife, a good wife. Loving him. beyond me. what?! I am not the only one that needs things and feels things? say what?! I am not saying that I am DOING these things, apparently I am just trying to battle the enemy, who likes us to have mediocre marriages, and hopefully soon-ish, I/We will have his head on my mantle. Thank you JESUS that I have a husband who loves the Lord and is in this with me.