I had one of those nights tonight.
Where, after screaming to my child (in a "I am breathing fire" kind of voice)"Shut. Your. Mouth. Get. In. Your. Bed. NOW!" and hearing her cry and obey. out of fear probably...I finally cried out (literally) to God; "please God...I am gonna loose it. Have her obey. PLEASE! I am TIRED of THIS CRAP!!!" and here I hear her little voice is just asking for her Zambonni and for it to be warm (her polar bear that we heat up). At that moment IT WAS disobedience on her part, but I needed to remember it wasn't me she needed to please, well kinda, but God, and so DID I. I needed to be her mom. It is such a tough line, you know, being a gladiator/dictator vs. a lover/soul model.
It is hard. Sometimes you just want a break. To be let off the leash. It is refreshing to be ME, minus children, but they are who God is using to make ME better...they are our character builders.
God give me peace on the battle field and off.
they ARE making you better...and closer to your SAVIOR. love you friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post!! So real and honest. God is definitely working through you and using you to do great things, even when you are sinning. And boy do I understand wanting to be let off the leash! God give us both a heart that wants to serve these little character builders day in and day out!
ReplyDeleteWord, sister! Word.
ReplyDelete