the flood waters are up to my neck

Psalm 69: 1-18 1 Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. 2 Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me. 3 I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. 4 Those who hate me without cause outnumber the hairs on my head. Many enemies try to destroy me with lies, demanding that I give back what I didn’t steal. 5 O God, you know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from you. 6 Don’t let those who trust in you be ashamed because of me, O Sovereign Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Don’t let me cause them to be humiliated, O God of Israel. 7 For I endure insults for your sake; humiliation is written all over my face. 8 Even my own brothers pretend they don’t know me; they treat me like a stranger. 9 Passion for your house has consumed me, and the insults of those who insult you have fallen on me. 10 When I weep and fast, they scoff at me. 11 When I dress in burlap to show sorrow, they make fun of me. 12 I am the favorite topic of town gossip, and all the drunks sing about me. 13 But I keep praying to you, Lord, hoping this time you will show me favor. In your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with your sure salvation. 14 Rescue me from the mud; don’t let me sink any deeper! Save me from those who hate me, and pull me from these deep waters. 15 Don’t let the floods overwhelm me, or the deep waters swallow me, or the pit of death devour me. 16 Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful. 17 Don’t hide from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble! 18 Come and redeem me; free me from my enemies.

God brought this to me exactly when I needed it most. His word expressed my soul's distress. I couldn't express how I felt other than feeling like I was just barely staying above water, like when Logan and I were in Tahoe with BCs that leaked and had to pump air in them to just barely keep our noses out of the water. Overwhelmed. On the verge of panic. Burnt out. Weary.

 My heart longs to be a Godly wife and mom and a great housekeeper, but I feel like I am always just barely making it. I have been feeling resentful that I had to help Logan with his burden by having to work, when my heart is at home with my children. I felt discouraged with my image and my efforts to have a different body. I felt completely overwhelm with the things that needed to be done around the house. I felt burnt out from the things I am committed to.

 I look to my Lord for strength and dignity. My image is in Him alone. For grace and patience and love.

He allowed my Tallulah to be sick so we HAD to be at home. He gave me rest. He brought me this Psalm. He convicted me of gluttony. Not necessarily with food, but with my time, with my choices. He gave me time (to be at home to get things done, to love on my girls, to spend with my husband)... was I wise with little? No. Then how shall He entrust me with much?! 

Speaking to me through verse 10, I was prompted to by the Spirit to fast. I obeyed. He gave me strength. I didn't want to then be gluttonous once the fast was over, but to have that transform my habits. He allowed me to be super productive. Gave me patience with low blood sugar. And strength against "hunger" and want and need. We set the bar low very low, on what we require/allow for our lives. The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is the same that indwells us! (Romans 8:11)

 He doesn't necessarily take us OUT of the floodwaters when we call for help, but He gives us breath and energy to keep treading the waters till they subside or we overcome them. He made me who I am, knowing my desires and needs and wants, and placed me where I am for the perfect time. He is not taking me out of the waters but giving me His Spirit and allowing me to thrive in these waters, as my act of worship!

1 Corithians 10:31- Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Colossians 3:17- Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Romans 12:1- And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.

And to Him be the Glory! Being worshipful and joyful in ALL things, even being a working mom, IS being the mom and wife and housekeeper I was created to be.

Psalm 51:1- Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.