concept or reality

The past several weeks our pastors have been speaking on the Five Point of Grace and then Jason Diaz spoke at church this past Sunday (New Year's day). It was about reverence, a concept or reality...which I was convicted about and have been asking God and searching my heart as to WHEN that transformation happened in my life (and where it needs to happen currently).

As I was massaging a client Thursday morning, I was in prayer and thinking of WHEN the transformation happened, when I was completely transformed and LIVED for God. I asked Jesus into my heart and have loved God and heard his voice from a young age. Raised to serve. Created to be tenderhearted. Subtle walls went up from hurts, fear, insecurities, relationships, identity. I still loved God (mentally), although I didn't fully actionwordlove Him for about 6 of those years (12-18). I lived two lives. Served two masters.

I moved out of my parents home and in with my friend January 2000. It was that summer that I can trace back to where there was a change. When the reality of my choices hit me and I was able to see where my heart was and how far I was from God's. It was then that my love turned into actionwordLOVE, whole heartedly, for my Savior.

(Come to think of it, maybe it was my brother Nicky's fault...those are the years that he was relationally then physically removed from me...I will think through that at another time.) ;)

Anyhoo. It was at that time, He was bringing me to Himself, calling me to be who He created me to be, to serve and love and be tenderhearted once again, purified, breaking through those walls.
I have LOVED and sought Him and His will wholeheartedly since then. I love him, to him I owe it all, and all PRAISE goes to my Savior!

Now, on where He is currently transforming me, which is part of how I came to the first realization...

In December (2011) I read a blog post by John Piper that read:

Should we be tenderheated?

The longer I live the more complexities I see in living. They’re not as paralyzing as they used to be. I pray more for a spiritual nose to sniff out the path between precipices.

Take tender-heartedness, for example. I think one of the most practical and important passages in the whole Bible is Ephesians 4:31–32. God put that there for me. It is one of the most important mandates in my life.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

There are dozens of situations where I should be more tenderhearted than I am.

But what about 2 Chronicles 13:7? Jeroboam and “certain worthless scoundrels” — this is already not sounding tenderhearted — defied Solomon’s son Rehoboam and broke the kingdom in half. Why did that rebellion succeed? Multiple reasons. Here’s one.

“Rehoboam was young and tenderhearted, and could not withstand them” (2 Chronicles 13:7, KJV). That’s a good literal translation.

So there is a tenderheartedness that is out of place and harmful. Rehoboam was too soft. The situation called for firmness, toughness, resilience. It called for a heart that could not be easily “touched” with misleading emotions.

So here I am at 65 still pleading to God daily for the spiritual sensor to find the path between hardness that destroys and hardness that saves.

Join me. It is not a cocky life, but it is Godward.

I want to be tenderhearted at all times without walls up (from fear or pride). That is what I desire. I am going to stand FIRM in who GOD created me to be, tenderhearted, with His love.